I’m just home from my last session with my therapist for five weeks. That’s right – I won’t see him again until five weeks from today; and we’ll have no contact at all: no phone calls, no emails, no notes in the mail.
It feels good; well, by that I mean that I feel appropriately unsettled by what’s going on – but not devastated.
Some of the emotions I’ve felt leading up to this last session are:
- concern (for my therapist)
- pride (that I’m coping so much better in preparation for this break, and that I’m in touch with my feelings to a greater extent than in the past), and
- gratitude (for the work we do together).
By the time 4:50 rolled around, though, I felt at peace. I’d said what I needed to say before our last session ended. I’d felt what I needed to feel.
Am I worried about the next five weeks? Not right now. I’ve started a special notebook, in which I’m drawing a picture for each day of the separation. (I started it on day D-3 last Friday. Today is Day Zero.) I feel stable within myself, especially now my body is free of those awful steroids. I’ve made appointments with other support people during this period.
My dearly beloved and I are in a good space right now, and I know my family and friends will be there, if I need them.
I think I’m going to be OK, and that feels good 🙂