Tag Archives: Garden

Free of the Devildrugs! Hooray!

It’s 10:24AM as I type these words, and my body is finally – and thankfully! – free of that blasted prednisolone.

Boy, was that a horrid trip! I experienced all sorts of nasty, nasty side effects, ranging from paranoia to weird twitchings in my chest to extreme agitation … not great for anyone, let alone someone who struggles with mood and anxiety issues at the best of times.

As it turned out, I was able to see my own GP yesterday, which was a stroke of luck, it being a Sunday and all. We still don’t know why my throat is sore. He hypothesizes it’s something in my environment. I got a second opinion from a relative today, who says it may simply be a low-grade virus which just keeps on coming back. I tend towards the latter: it feels more like a virus than an allergic reaction.

This morning, I have been so glad to be poison-free that I have enjoyed some time in my much-neglected garden, planting out 200 bulbs in preparation for spring. I’m not sure how they’ll do against the various predations of the neighbour’s puppy, voracious grazing birds and stray balls/heavy sneakers of the kids on the street – but, fingers crossed, September will bring a delightful display of beautiful flowers.

Ironically, I just learnt that some of the bulbs I planted out are, in fact, poisonous. I had been going to type a paragraph waxing lyrical about the symbolism of planting ugly bulbs in the hope of beautiful blooms, and waiting patiently for my sore throat to go away, but as I feel I was ‘poisoned’ by the prednisolone, I don’t think I will!

Instead, I’ll leave you with a cheerful picture of some jonquils. May your day be happy, healthy and toxin-free.

Jonquils02 aug 2007.jpg
Jonquils02 aug 2007“. Licensed under GFDL 1.2 via Wikimedia Commons.

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Ooomph

Resumption of play after lunch on the first day of the Boxing Day test, 2011

Resumption of play after lunch on the first day of the Boxing Day test, 2011

I do love my test cricket. It’s the only sport I really follow (apart from Aussie Rules, via osmosis from the dearly beloved). I felt I needed a soothing image this evening after a stressful day, so pulled up this picture of play resuming after lunch on Boxing Day, 2011.

Why was today stressful? Well, I called the insurance company at 9:04am, spoke to the woman handling my claim, and she said she’d call back at midday. I emailed at around 3:45pm and finally spoke to her about an hour later. There is still no definitive answer, but my claim has progressed to the next level. The process of completing a major insurance claim seems a bit like playing Candy Crush – these levels are endless!

I had high hopes of today, and I certainly did get a lot done, but it was all “busy work” – not the creative stuff I’d really been wanting to get my hands into. Well, apart from planting out some bulbs ūüôā That was possibly the highlight of the day. Most of my energy went into managing my anxiety, and that was a truly full-time job.

Did I have a successful day? Yes, I did. In terms of output, in terms of crossing items off my dream list, I fell short; but as my major challenge today was dealing with my anxiety and stress related to this insurance claim, I’d say I¬†aced it.

However, putting that much energy into managing anxiety takes its toll, and I am totally exhausted. I may not even make it through Masterchef tonight! I suspect it may be one of those nights where, despite medication, I can’t fall asleep.

This is where memories of test cricket at the MCG on Boxing Day can come in handy. Ball after ball bowled as the sun beats down, the rhythm of the overs, the excitement of a wicket falling; the hijinx of Bay 13 and the odd pitch invasion to incite mild outrage among the true believers. I can feel the heat seeping into my bones, hear the murmur of cricket on the radio …

Soothing.

 

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Quiet Days

I’ve had a quiet couple of days.

There’s been a fair bit of ongoing stress about money and my future; *yawn* I am so¬†over worrying about these things, but they’re not going away!

I’ve coped with these major stressors by:

  • distracting myself with reading and watching
  • playing puzzle games
  • rejoicing in my slow but steady weight loss. It’s only a couple of hundred grams a day, but the number on the scales is going down, and that’s what makes me happy.

I know that distraction isn’t a good coping mechanism over the long term, but as I hope to have some news later this week about some potential relief regarding my financial situation, I’m happy to sit with it for the time being.

So I have, both literally and metaphorically, been taking some time out to smell the flowers.

2013-12-28 08.55.17

I trust all is well in your worlds.

xx DB

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It’s still raining, and I’m still happy about it

Burnt Leave in Rain 2

Here’s another image showing a leaf half burnt by this summer’s searing heat (see! ¬†Burnt to a crisp!) and the current raindrops surrounding it.

I’m in a similar situation, I find: my psyche is still “burnt” in places from the traumas, long ago and recent, which have scarred it; yet I’m slowly healing under the guidance of my therapist, under the ministrations of my psychologist, and through my own healing actions.

Some days, the burning is more noticeable than the healing.

I want today to be one of the easier, more pleasant days.

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Hibernation Day

Yes, it’s still raining, and I’m loving it! My energy levels have been quite low today, but apart from pesky thoughts of “I really should get around to …” the dearly beloved and I are enjoying a wonderful day, starting Season 3 of Game of Thrones (yes, we’re behind) and generally just lazing about.

When you’re training hard physically, experts often suggest you incorporate “rest days” into your routine. I think it would be fair to say I’ve been training hard psychologically, so it’s been just lovely to have had the chance to lie on the carpet and lose myself in the Seven Kingdoms and their politicking for the afternoon.

What is this hard psychological work, you ask? Well, apart from  my usual psychotherapy, there was a session with the new mental health worker, and my last session with the DBT group, and going through the process of leaving that. (Yes, a post about that will be written, in the fullness of time!)

Although I’m feeling tired, I also feel determined to continue working on my health. I feel like the vine in this picture,¬†growing towards the light, using whatever supports are at hand to help reach my goal:

Vine 2

Today was a day to “lie fallow” and give my mind a rest, letting anxieties float free and putting stressors aside. Tomorrow, it’s back into the game of psychotherapy, followed by¬†the joy of visiting a friend.

All good!

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