I’ve got real issues with male authority figures. This time, it was my psychologist. I think he’s pretty good – our first couple of months together have been quite constructive – but today he reduced me to tears.
I was so excited explaining the breakthrough I’d made with my therapist last week (complete with diagrams!) that he asked me to take a breath and slow down. I took the breath, but then felt tears pricking, welling, falling … The rational part of my mind knew he didn’t intend to rebuke me, but that’s how my inner child reacted. Thankfully, eventually, I could speak with him about this.
Perhaps today’s episode was a case of (female) hormones clashing with (male) pragmatism; however, I have had a sad history with male authority figures in the past. Of course, I hope to transfer my psychologist from the “authority” category to the “work alongside” category, but he brings a bracing, energetic energy into the room, which I find unsettling – other men I’ve worked with in a therapeutic session have been gentler, less obtrusive.
The good thing about all this is that the issues have been brought into the therapeutic space and can be dealt with. The revelation is that certain types of men in certain types of situations still push my buttons.
Onward and upward!