… and then, for no discernible reason whatsoever, her mood and energy levels began to lift.
My mind’s behaviour sometimes seems as mysterious as the weather pioneering sailors may have encountered entering new waters. Sudden winds, violent gales, becalmed hours: without knowing the lay of the land, such sailors must not only have felt at the mercy of some great unknowable power, but also developed a keen (and literal!) weather eye to try and discern any hints about what might hit them next.
My mood has been trending upwards for the last 24 hours. I don’t know why. So many things in my life remain exactly the same: the traumas recently experienced; financial stress; my physical health (or lack thereof) – these things which have buffeted me over the past few weeks seem to be spent, puffed out, giving way to what I sincerely hope may be a period of plain sailing.
I guess three things have occurred:
- I voiced my greatest fear to the dearly beloved some days ago, and we are working towards finding a way around it (for lovers of DBT, I accepted my reality)
- I wrote last night’s post on not being where I want to be (again, accepting reality)
- I watched a TV show last night where a woman challenged a young man to accept responsibility for his life: “We are authors of our own lives, you know!” (inspired to take positive action).
Obviously they have contributed to my improved mood, though I have done other, potentially even more constructive things during the course of the last three weeks, and my mood remained depressed – so while there’s an explanation for my mood is improving now, there’s not a good explanation for why it didn’t improve earlier. I don’t like that! I’d much prefer mental health to be “1, 2, 3” – do this and that and your mood will improve – when it’s actually more like “1, 2, 17, 9, -23 …”.
So, in meteorological terms, the needle on my mood-barometer is quivering towards “fair weather”. Yay! I’ll rejoice in that. Will you cross your fingers for me in hope that it lingers there?