Updraft

… and then, for no discernible reason whatsoever, her mood and energy levels began to lift.

My mind’s behaviour sometimes seems as mysterious as the weather pioneering sailors may have encountered entering new waters. Sudden winds, violent gales, becalmed hours: without knowing the lay of the land, such sailors must not only have felt at the mercy of some great unknowable power, but also developed a keen (and literal!) weather eye to try and discern any hints about what might hit them next.

My mood has been trending upwards for the last 24 hours. I don’t know why. So many things in my life remain exactly the same: the traumas recently experienced; financial stress; my physical health (or lack thereof) – these things which have buffeted me over the past few weeks seem to be spent, puffed out, giving way to what I sincerely hope may be a period of plain sailing.

I guess three things have occurred:

  1. I voiced my greatest fear to the dearly beloved some days ago, and we are working towards finding a way around it (for lovers of DBT, I accepted my reality)
  2. I wrote last night’s post on not being where I want to be (again, accepting reality)
  3. I watched a TV show last night where a woman challenged a young man to accept responsibility for his life: “We are authors of our own lives, you know!” (inspired to take positive action).

Obviously they have contributed to my improved mood, though I have done other, potentially even more constructive things during the course of the last three weeks, and my mood remained depressed – so while there’s an explanation for my mood is improving now, there’s not a good explanation for why it didn’t improve earlier. I don’t like that! I’d much prefer mental health to be “1, 2, 3” – do this and that and your mood will improve – when it’s actually more like “1, 2, 17, 9, -23 …”.

So, in meteorological terms, the needle on my mood-barometer is quivering towards “fair weather”. Yay! I’ll rejoice in that. Will you cross your fingers for me in hope that it lingers there?

20 Comments

Filed under Up

20 responses to “Updraft

  1. We hate it when people ask us ‘Why are we depressed?’ and yet we are the worst offenders. As I am saying in March, It is what it is….get out there and enjoy 🙂

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  2. It’s like water dripping into a bucket. A few drops here and there don’t make a huge difference but once they all start adding up they make a difference.

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    • Yes … but there’s some bugger taking pot shots at the side of the bucket at random intervals! 🙂

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      • Nah, that’s just a release valve so you don’t overflow 😉

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      • Oh good … now I’m confused, is the bucket/water good or not good?! :-/

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      • I went to a therapist once who described life like a bucket with a tap dripping into it. I liked the analogy – all the little positive things that make up our lives drip in and then build up and create the life we want. But along with all the positive stuff, comes some negative stuff as well. She said that as the bucket fills we feel great and then it gets close to the edge and we feel as if all the negative things in with the positive are about to make us spill over the edge. That’s where we need a release valve to let some of it out. In my case, she talked about doing stuff just for myself as a release valve as way to get rid of the negatives.
        So I suggest that the bugger shooting holes in the bucket is doing you a favour by installing release valves to get rid of the negative stuff.
        If that doesn’t make any sense to anyone but me, I think I need another cup of tea 😉

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      • 🙂 I’m drinking tea and watching ‘Insiders’ – best TV on Sunday morning! And among the best TV I watch all week.

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      • My house is all quiet whilst I am on the computer. The Tween is at a friend’s house and the GG is sleeping. We have a 21st to go to later so I’m just relaxing and enjoying the quiet.

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      • Very sensible. Good luck with the 21st. Glad those are behind me!

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      • This is a quiet family bbq type one so it will be nice 🙂

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  3. Fingers crossed….. and toes too. 🙂

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    • Thanks Gavin! And eyes and legs … but all that crossing might leave me paralyzed, no? Paralyzed by hope. That’s a new one!

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      • I think paralyzed by home is a completely valid feeling. I probably depends a great deal upon how ready you are to move to the next level. I am probably feeling something like it now. I don’t necessarily car a whole lot for my current situation but I am “comfortable” with it (if you will). The hope that the next situation/level brings is in fact paralyzing because it is new and unknown and different.

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      • That’s a good point, and a helpful example.

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  4. And sometimes I am also paralyzed by home 🙂

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  5. Wooo! 😀 Yes, I will cross my fingers for you. I feel you on that… not being a logical progression, but I guess that’s how our minds work some days. lol Might as well roll with it, right? I try to take the most advantage out of my up days as possible… but I think I mentioned that a few weeks past too.

    Keep doing what you’re doing, lady! As always, you’re an inspiration.

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