A New Sensation

Yesterday, I experienced something new to me on WordPress – a sense that I was being spoken down to, preached at, by someone who did not know me or understand my circumstances. I have to say, it made me pretty jolly annoyed!*

So I stepped away from the computer – drew a few deep breaths – poured a cup of tea – and laid out the facts in an orderly fashion.

Fact One: I have chosen to write about matters close to my heart in an open forum.

Fact Two: My baseline for anger is not at its usual level this week, due not only to my chronic struggles with depression and anxiety, but also recent traumatic events.

Fact Three: There are an innumerable number of fatuous, moronic, insensitive know-it-alls in the world.

Now we move into analysis. Given Fact Three, it’s pretty astounding that I’ve been writing this blog for seven months and not yet been deeply insulted or hurt by someone. >breathe< Given Fact Two, it’s hardly surprising that I feel like I’ve been kicked in the guts. >breathe< And finally, did I really expect this wouldn’t happen at some stage, given Fact One?

I know I keep harping on about this, but I feel truly blessed by the company I keep here on WordPress. I am usually surrounded by absolutely beautiful, wonderful people who are sensitive, who do not presume to advise me when their advice is not sought, who are positive, who are respectful, and whom I in turn respect.

One negative experience will not take that community away from me.

As I typed that sentence, I felt anger and bitterness fall off me like a coat shrugged to the ground. Yay!

In fact, this whole episode has highlighted something I learnt recently through my DBT group: pain is natural and inevitable; but it is not pain which leads to suffering, it is the non-acceptance of pain which leads to suffering. Suffering, in this case, would be my holding onto the initial anger I felt at reading what I experienced as condescending, ignorant comments, ruminating about them – constantly re-living the anger. I guess in this moment I accept my anger, I validate it, and now I move into a ‘wise mind’ approach to the experience instead of staying stuck in ’emotional mind’. Pain has a beginning and an end: suffering may become a closed, self-perpetuating loop, if we allow it.

So, to all my dear friends here on WordPress, if I have ever spoken out of turn or offended you with my words, I am sorry. Please don’t hesitate to let me know if I ever cause you distress, either by replying publicly or emailing me at dysthymia.bree at gmail.com. To those of us whom I consider ‘community’, I give you my special thanks for your continued support during this difficult time. You are people who brighten up my life, and even after just seven short months, I couldn’t imagine tomorrow without you.

Be well, and may tomorrow be one of the better days.

* “Pretty jolly annoyed” is my current favourite synonym for absolutely, incandescently, fucking furious.

36 Comments

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36 responses to “A New Sensation

  1. I can’t stand when someone talks down to me, even if they have an understanding of the situation I am in. I can completely understand the anger and empathize.

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  2. oh no, was it me? I suffer from paranoia, I guess…. I love the “pretty jolly annoyed” phrase – sort of oxymoronic!

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  3. eddieredvine

    “pretty jolly annoyed” may I steal this? I like it. Also – I totally get where you are coming from – I had it from a medical professional (who was a nursing assistant in general surgery) try and advise me about anxiety today… Xx

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    • Totally! I think I picked it up from someone else along the way, so am very happy to share 🙂
      I was once in hospital and had an agency nurse (i.e. not a psych nurse by training) spin me some absolute crap, which was a major setback at the time. Ignorance may be bliss, but it does not induce bliss, right?

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  4. Great post. Dont let anyone steal your joy and ruin your mood

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  5. happilydpressed

    Fact three *bursts into laughter*

    I really enjoy your input on things… You seem pretty sensible and anyone that would talk down to you is un empathetic and rude! Hope you didn’t get too upset /: don’t stop blogging please

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    • I certainly won’t! Look, to be honest, I suspect I reacted the way I did because things are particularly tough at the moment. Perhaps another day I could have more easily shrugged it off and walked away. It has pointed out to me the major minefield you tread when presuming to give advice to anyone else online! So that has been a useful learning. It was also a great exercise in distinguishing between pain and suffering.
      So … how can I remain upset about that?!

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      • happilydpressed

        You have a knack with words, logical outlook (: I’m really glad! I like WordPress, for a short time, while you’re writing, people are sensitive and try to understand. It takes a special person to ruin that lol I’m glad you won’t stop! Keep up the positivity

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      • Will do! And having just got off the phone arguing my case with a supervisor at the hospital (the one who’s rotated my mental health worker into another area, to our mutual dismay) it was lovely to come back to the laptop and see your comment. I will keep up the positivity, I will give her replacement a fair go, and I will continue to move forward – even if my life’s version of ‘forward’ seems to be a little more convoluted and cross-hatched than some others! XX DB

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      • happilydpressed

        Two steps forward and one step back or one step forward and two back! Lines are always blurred for me too but you’re inspirational in trying really mean it…good luck (:

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  6. Corr Autore

    I’m sorry if it was me that got you annoyed. Among other things I have Aspergers Syndrome, which makes it where I say the wrong thing a lot. I tend to think in a machine-like way, and my emotions are never really normal.
    Please let me know if it was me or not, and if it was, let me know if there’s anything I can do to make it up to you.

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  7. For shame on the individual if it was intentional, or trollish. People like that need an awakening. If it’s unclear whether it was that way, I would address it with a simple “that hurts” and attempt at discourse. Well… I said “I would” but it’s more like saying to myself “you really should to this yourself,ya know” Heh…

    A thought though… isn’t it amazing how hurtful 1 single negative thing can be? As you said, you’ve had 7 months of good experience and BAM 1 negative can send ya reeling. Just one! Happens to all of us, but boy is it interesting. Could have a pile of 100s of fan letters…. and 1 hate mail and I’m positive most of us would let that 1 hate mail get to us?

    Our minds and emotions are weird, huh? But you’re doing the right thing by blogging it, because I’m sure you already notice that not only does it help you get it out, but it amasses an army of people who support you who are ready to kick the person’s butt for you. 😉 Myself included.

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    • Oh thank you so much! You’re right, we do tend to focus on the one negative. Some people seem to be able to thrive on controversy, but I’m certainly not one of them.
      I wouldn’t want you to kick anyone’s butt for me, though 🙂 but despite that I REALLY appreciate the offer!
      XX DB

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  8. I’m very sorry that happened. For me, I just assume everyone falls under “Fact Three” so I am happily surprised when someone proves themselves to be an actual human, like yourself, and not terribly hurt when they prove themselves to be a member of the “Fact Three” group.

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  9. kissmeunderthepinkblossomtree

    Dear DB,

    Keep being yourself, I respect this about you, and your honesty, wow, you really do say it and this also makes me respect you, actually even more! Also, thank you for your likes, comments and supports.

    Take care,
    Miss Popette x

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  10. Hopefully it doesn’t bother you too much – spoken down to and such is never nice and can sometimes affect us quite much, sometimes people judge so hard without even knowing circumstances and backgrounds and just kind of ‘attack’ in some way or the other. Without even trying to think or imagine different perceptions of a situation or something. Sometimes I wonder why people do that, what do they want to reach with it? Do they want that you feel bad or do they really think suddenly your life changes by saying things like that? What’s the point of trying to talk another person down?

    Well anyway, I wanted to say that I value your blog a lot, your honesty and the way you write things on the blog and such; so open about things that others sometimes want to keep deep secretly or something. I just value the way you write about everything and to me, you seem a really nice person 🙂

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  11. jenusingword

    Please let me know if I ever have spoke out of turn, love. Hope it gets much nicer today for you!

    Like

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