Self Therapy

Just thought I’d put some stuff down here … get it out of my head, onto the screen and hopefully thus into action!

So, as mentioned previously, I’m in this numb state right now. Historically, it’s been a dangerous place for me to be in. Because my mind is thinking completely differently, I might do stupid things while numb; or, if something causes me to come out of numb, the overwhelming feelings – which caused my mind to run away to numb in the first place – can be terrifying. Either way, this is scary territory.

Today I am determined to:

  • be a good friend
  • be aware of how numb ย I am at all times; after all, the numbness is my mind’s defence mechanism, so it’s OK to feel numb, so long as I’m aware of it
  • be hypervigilant to any thoughts of self-harm or suicide, and take immediate action if any such thoughts arise (don’t even let them get a toehold!). Actions include:
    • distracting (as opposed to avoiding)
    • self-soothing (e.g. bath, facial massage)
    • breathing exercises
    • mindfulness exercises
    • calling a friend, my therapist of Lifeline.
  • take extra care to be kind to myself, doing those extra little things which remind me why life is good.

BBBT – I can remember that!

Be well, my friends, and take care of yourselves.

XX DB

18 Comments

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18 responses to “Self Therapy

  1. cookingshortpoppies

    This rings so true, the numb stage is the most dangerous because you become almost immune to the situation around you, and nothing affects you the way it should. For me cooking and exercising help to break those moments but it can be so hard. Best of luck! X

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  2. Numb’s not good. We all have to feel in order to be alive and in the moment. I think recognizing it is really good, and whatever you can do to sort of shake yourself out of it – whatever it takes – is critical. For me, it’s getting out and just walking, or talking to a good friend.

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    • I think for me it is a survival strategy at the moment. I know in the long term I need to move through it, and I will, but I’m just feeling the ‘overwhelm’ of numerous traumas, that suicide being the last in a string (as well as a trigger in itself). I have brought it into therapy, but right now it might be a rabbithole I need to bolt down … just so long as I don’t let my thinking get too distorted while I’m down there!

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  3. ocdjm

    Numb stage sucks. For me I feel detached from reality. Hang in there, try and stay in the moment.

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  4. Praying you find peace soon. Beyond this numbness. Its a very scary place to be.

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    • It is scary. It might be a necessary defense mechanism at the moment, as I deal with yet another trauma on top of the pre-existing pile, but I’ll get there ๐Ÿ™‚ So long as I don’t let my thinking get too distorted, I’ll be fine. I’ve taken it into the therapeutic space and started work on it there.

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  5. That sounds like a great plan. Take care, my friend! ๐Ÿ™‚

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  6. I hope today that you remembered that a thought is just a thought. That is all. It is nothing more than a thought and it has no hold over your life.
    And keep that oxygen mask on girl!!

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  7. Somehow I wish I could find some words to say,.. just hope that things will get better very soon for you. Take care.

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  8. going through therapy now and am exercising the ability to accept my feelings as they are – that it’s okay to feel what i feel so long as i am aware of them. so i empathize. it’s not easy, it’s not pleasant, but it’s okay to allow such defense mechanisms so long as we understand what’s going on in us.

    you mentioned breathing and mindful exercises. do you do yoga? i’ve been a practicing yogi for about 5 years now – going on 6. but am only just tapping into the powers of yoga’s meditation practices. the breathing is pretty cleansing to the soul.

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    • Thank you so much. I do yoga on occasion, but I don’t practice regularly. I’ve been inspired by various others – and now your good self! – and when the time is right, I think I might begin practicing on a more regular basis. Thanks again XX DB

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