Just thought I’d put some stuff down here … get it out of my head, onto the screen and hopefully thus into action!
So, as mentioned previously, I’m in this numb state right now. Historically, it’s been a dangerous place for me to be in. Because my mind is thinking completely differently, I might do stupid things while numb; or, if something causes me to come out of numb, the overwhelming feelings – which caused my mind to run away to numb in the first place – can be terrifying. Either way, this is scary territory.
Today I am determined to:
- be a good friend
- be aware of how numb I am at all times; after all, the numbness is my mind’s defence mechanism, so it’s OK to feel numb, so long as I’m aware of it
- be hypervigilant to any thoughts of self-harm or suicide, and take immediate action if any such thoughts arise (don’t even let them get a toehold!). Actions include:
- distracting (as opposed to avoiding)
- self-soothing (e.g. bath, facial massage)
- breathing exercises
- mindfulness exercises
- calling a friend, my therapist of Lifeline.
- take extra care to be kind to myself, doing those extra little things which remind me why life is good.
BBBT – I can remember that!
Be well, my friends, and take care of yourselves.