“You’re in a bad mood tonight!”

Am I? Really? I didn’t feel like I was in a bad mood.

When I thought about it, though, I realized that within an hour of coming home the dearly beloved had heard a rant about our neighbours, a rant about Jana Pittman, and a rant about my ear infection.

All that certainly sounds like a bad mood, doesn’t it?

I guess sometimes we can all misjudge our emotional state – with or without a mood disorder! I didn’t feel cross, or angry, but I was certainly letting off a bit of steam.

This business of emotional states reminded me of my pre-nap cogitations this afternoon. I was trying to figure out why, exactly, I was avoiding a certain task. I braced myself emotionally, relaxed thoroughly, and dug down deep. Thing is, there was nothing to find: no deep-seated fears, beyond my usual insecurities; no links with previous traumas; no triggers. It seemed I was avoiding this task simply because … I didn’t want to do it. I felt no need to do it. There was no passion associated with it (although, in the past, it was a project I had invested a great deal of passion and energy in).

Post-nap, I got up, and did not one but two ‘chunks’ of the task. I think it was just run of the mill, depression-rooted lack of motivation which had been holding me back.

So, there you go: a bad mood I didn’t feel; a passionless reluctance to engage in my usual activities … sound familiar?

I think my black dog is nudging up against my heels.

6 Comments

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6 responses to ““You’re in a bad mood tonight!”

  1. My psych often asserts that I over-analyze (not that this is what you’re doing). But in my case, where I might exhibit behavior that is generally common to the masses, she encourages me to look at that behavior in a broader scope. Sometimes it’s a symptom of my disease and sometimes it’s a symptom of my humanity. And that actually makes me feel better. Like you said, anybody can be caught unawares by a bad mood. And I think everybody can suffer from a lack of motivation. Perhaps it’s part of a pattern, or perhaps you were just having a bad case of the “humans”.

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    • Thank you so much 🙂 What a great way of re-framing it. Yes, the temptation is always there to over-pathologize. I suspect I am a little more depressed than usual at the moment, but – oh, a vivid image just sprang to mind! Our last and very beloved dog experienced a slight weight problem in his last few years of life. The vet suggested mixing finely grated carrot in with his food. We discovered that he had this incredible ability to leave the carrot behind – even when it was shredded incredibly finely! After his dinner, there would be a neat pile of orange lines in the middle of his bowl. My analogy is this: we’re all human, as you say, and experience the full range of human emotions and states, whether we have a mood disorder or not. Why pick out those characteristic of depression and highlight them? Acceptance, acceptance, acceptance is the name of the game – accepting ourselves in all our complexity.
      Today I resolve to eat my shredded carrot, metaphorically speaking 🙂

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  2. I hope he stays at your heels and doesn’t invite himself up onto your lounge chair.
    Hang in there my dear.

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