Am I? Really? I didn’t feel like I was in a bad mood.
When I thought about it, though, I realized that within an hour of coming home the dearly beloved had heard a rant about our neighbours, a rant about Jana Pittman, and a rant about my ear infection.
All that certainly sounds like a bad mood, doesn’t it?
I guess sometimes we can all misjudge our emotional state – with or without a mood disorder! I didn’t feel cross, or angry, but I was certainly letting off a bit of steam.
This business of emotional states reminded me of my pre-nap cogitations this afternoon. I was trying to figure out why, exactly, I was avoiding a certain task. I braced myself emotionally, relaxed thoroughly, and dug down deep. Thing is, there was nothing to find: no deep-seated fears, beyond my usual insecurities; no links with previous traumas; no triggers. It seemed I was avoiding this task simply because … I didn’t want to do it. I felt no need to do it. There was no passion associated with it (although, in the past, it was a project I had invested a great deal of passion and energy in).
Post-nap, I got up, and did not one but two ‘chunks’ of the task. I think it was just run of the mill, depression-rooted lack of motivation which had been holding me back.
So, there you go: a bad mood I didn’t feel; a passionless reluctance to engage in my usual activities … sound familiar?
I think my black dog is nudging up against my heels.