The title of this post was inspired by a line in sharktoothsweater’s recent post, The u-turn. It struck a chord so I thought I’d write about it … and in the writing, hope to discover precisely what I’m ready for, and why!
Well, I’m certainly ready to feel less awful. My mood’s been tracking down these last couple of weeks. What about the “even if I’m not ready” part? Perhaps I feel reluctant to do some things which I know will lift my mood. The easy activities which fall into this category are exercise and mindfulness exercises (though I have been practising the latter a lot in recent days). The one’s I’m deeply reluctant to engage with … ahhh: I knew this is where I’d get unstuck! OK (deep breath) here goes; my interim list of things I need to do but don’t feel ready to do, to shift my mood:
- finish editing that damned anthology and GET IT OFF MY BLOODY TO DO LIST where it’s been balefully staring at me since January!
- ditto with the spare room (you may stop smiling now, Ellie!); at least get this to the point where it can become a haven, and then start using the haven instead of ‘nesting’ in the living room all the time
- work towards some closure on my concerns about work, income, etc for the next little while; I don’t know what that will look like, but it has to happen
- work towards some resolution of the issues between me and my medications bloke; previous comments still apply
- begin my grand project for 2014, a major piece of non-fiction which I’ve been wanting to write since 2009, and set as my major piece of writing for this year, but haven’t yet begun (nor even begun to begin)
- find and attend an assertiveness training class to brush up on those skills
- get off my bum and actually, finally, after ages of talking about it, get involved in something which will have me meeting new people, be it a choir, DND game (something completely new), walking group, another writers group, or whatever
- start behaving in ways which will lead to a healthier body, in particular, increased cardiovascular fitness and decreased body weight; I mean every day, Dysthymia Bree, not just the days you go to the fitness centre!
Guess what? That felt liberating! I am ready to do these things, even if I’m not ready, in terms of mood. (And my ear still hurts, poor me!)
OK, down to practicalities (and to save all of you who care about me making the same remarks in the comments section, you wonderful people): that’s a big list, so I need to chunk it down, and not charge at all eight projects like a wounded bull and crash and burn. In fact, I’ll be following the advice the wonderful Ellie gave in this post. (If you’ve got stuff you’re ready to do, even if you’re not ready, I highly recommend it as an excellent read.) I’ll be scheduling and rewarding and all
that crap those good things which will lead me to my endpoint.
Thank you to sharktoothsweater and Ellie Dodge for their unwitting contributions to this post. I have a feeling there are more things I’m ready, but not ready, to do – but you have both helped me find a way forward, and my hope is that it will turn things around for me in the short term. I’ll keep you posted.