I totally looooove psychodynamic psychotherapy. Just thought I’d put that out there.
I have an amazingly skilled therapist who plays the ‘tabula rosa’ role of the psychodynamic therapist to the nth degree. When I first started working with him a few years ago, I found this unnerving, but now I see the richness of possibilities it offers (even if I do still rib him about how everything we talk about ends up having some connection to what’s going on between us – “the universe doesn’t revolve around you,” I laugh, knowing that in this modality of therapy, it sort of does!).
So today’s revelations included me realizing that:
- I’ve been living in my head (i.e. my intellect) this week, and feeling emotionally numb because I haven’t wanted to feel certain anxieties or angers
- My existential angsts (“How can our universe exist?” “I just don’t understand how I can live in a world so rich in detail! It’s too much to grasp!”) reflect, or are mirrors of, the anxieties of my living situation. In other words, it’s easier to worry about how a universe can possibly exist than worry about how I’m going to survive this week, and I’m so tied up in anxiety about both those things that I’ve just switched off and gone numb instead of feeling them
- There are some seemingly-innocuous things which have happened this week which my inner child has experienced as a threat (hence further anxieties, though not felt; hence more numbness)
- Through bringing the unexpressed angers to the forefront of my mind, I’ve determined specific and constructive actions which will help me move forward and through those angers
- I am still in a healing phase of my life, and cannot be expected to do too much.
Yay for me, yay for my wonderful therapist, and may I please take a nap now? I’m zonked.