So Low; or, Why I am a Failure as a Human Being

Wish I could write poetry, but I can’t do that, just like I can’t do so many other things. I am a complete failure at life; by every measure, I have failed at each aspect of being a human being:

  • I have not given birth to a child, so I am a failure as a woman
  • My libido is practically non-existent these days, so I am a failure as a wife
  • I cannot work, and what’s more I am broke, so I am an economic liability
  • I have put on HEAPS of weight, and have become quite unfit, so I am a failure in terms of my body
  • The few friends I have seem to contact me less and less
  • Contact with my siblings is all one-way – me to them; clearly they are just sick and tired of me
  • I put my heart and soul into a business venture which failed, so I am a failure in that, too
  • A part of me ‘knows’ this is just a story my mind is telling me, but I can’t break loose of its grasp
  • Every moment I feel as though I am suffering, without relief.

So how much longer can I tolerate being such a complete failure? I don’t know.

My mind has just reminded me of this picture:

You don't have to be perfect to be beautiful

You don’t have to be perfect to be beautiful

The rug is in the livingroom of a house where I feel safe and cared for. Perhaps my mind is telling me I might feel safe and cared for at some stage today.

5 Comments

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5 responses to “So Low; or, Why I am a Failure as a Human Being

  1. I feel this. I’m right there with you on all points. Let’s be a team. Or a club. Let’s be people who are Failing At Ideal Life (FAIL). But our club will focus on redefining “ideal”. What do you think?

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    • OK! But what would we do at club meetings? Sit around and ruminate on our many and various failings? Or – random thought – apply for some local government health funding, set up massage tables in a circle and tell jokes while being massaged?
      Now I am restraining myself from being nitpicky about the word “ideal”, because I think I’m a total failure, full stop. I do quite like the idea of a club called FAIL though. Perhaps we could propose a TV show about it.
      Thank you for being a light in the darkness 🙂

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  2. Ooh, I like the idea of holding club meetings on a circle of massage tables!

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    • And the massage tables could all face inwards so we could do some or all of the following:
      * partake of a chocolate fondue
      * watch a troupe of monkey actors play “Romeo and Juliet”
      * eat watermelon and see who could spit their pips nearest to the target in the centre of the ring.
      All the while discussing the weighty subject of why, precisely, we are complete failures as human beings.

      Like

  3. Pingback: One person’s asylum seeker is another person’s burglar | In & Out, Up & Down: Dysthymia Bree's Musings On Mental Illness and Psychiatric Wards

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