It’s 5:27PM as I begin typing this post, gloyring in an air of grateful amazement. In disbelief, I wonder: is it possible that I have just had a good day?!
OK, I woke up like a bear hung over after a gin/valium cocktail. I’ve never experienced this, but apparently you’re very groggy, sore and cross the next day. Mind you, me waking up like that is fairly standard for Chez Bree. The dearly beloved and I had discussed just this yesterday, so we had a strategy in place: I slumped before the TV with a pot of tea and a large bowl of cereal until I could utter more than a snarl and make eye contact without fangs engaging, or whatever the verb is for vampire fangs. (Oh bum, I was working a bear analogy. Ah well; it will give some persnickety reader something to comment on. Along with those who will be asking what “FMS” stands for …)
After I emerged from morning snarliness, I must admit I had a touch of my old friend GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) during which my anxiety about getting out of the house became tied up with not being able to find my car keys, an extreme episode of distorted body image and related self-hatred, panic at not being able to locate my xanax and finally dissolving into tears at my total failure at efficacy, partnership and life in general. Then my dearly beloved gave me a hug, we found the xanax, I did my deep breathing, and all was well.
Thereafter the day was refreshingly straightforward. The timing of a trip to the psychotherapist was arranged to allow for a delightful gourmet hot chocolate before baring my soul to the professional. My city’s Friday afternoon traffic was already misbehaving by 1pm, so it was a long-winded drive home, but I returned to a calm, balanced household. We enjoyed watching a few episodes of “Game of Thrones” on the beloved’s last day of leave, and am now keeping half an eye on the insanity the TV news brings unbidden into my livingroom while typing this. (And they call me crazy …)
For someone whose life has been so deeply disrupted by a significant episode of major depressive disorder for the last many months, I look back at the day so far and think: “Wow, that was lovely! And normal! And soooo nice!”
Here’s to a few more run-of-the-mill, just-one-freakout-please days in my near future.
Oh, and I bought a few fresh ingredients for upcoming experiments with essential oils … watch this space 🙂