Back to basics

Am struggling today. Have sent the dearly beloved out of the house so I can’t ‘hide’ behind his presence. If I want to do something self-destructive or stupid, I have the opportunity.

Went outside and felt the sun on my skin but pleasure was only fleeting.

Despite all my trying and trying and trying, the system is not working to make me better, and I do not know of another system.

Need to go back to basics: shower, wash dishes, all the useless senseless going-through-the-motions stuff which keeps us ticking over. Well, not the shower, because if I do kill myself I don’t want to be found stinking. [Sorry, bit of black psych ward humour there, because as we all know if you do kill yourself you most certainly will be found stinking and undignified and altogether unromantically dead!]

So, back to basics:

  1. Make list
  2. Do first few things on list
  3. Ignore rest of list and do something diverting instead.

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