Going In

So ………. looks like I’m heading back into hospital.

Reluctantly.

As I always say, hospital’s a great place to go to when you need it, and a great place to leave afterwards; the problem is, my “afterwards” – the end of my previous admission – is too close for comfort. The restrictions of institutional living, the imperfections in treatment which have resulted in this admission, the raging psychic pain of the last few days – all these are too close, too raw for me to feel anything like happy about returning. 

Still, at least I’ve got my own Packing List to refer to. L-O-fucking-L.

Because I’m going into a private hospital, and because staffing is dependent on occupied beds, I will not actually be admitted until tomorrow afternoon. 

Did you know today is International Positive Thinking Day? Apparently so. This saves you, dear reader, from various rants about … well, name it, really. 

Actually, if anyone has any excess positivity, I could really use some right now.

Signing off for the time being. 

– Dysthymia

4 Comments

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4 responses to “Going In

  1. If you feel up to it and it’s not too personal I’d appreciate a post on why you need to go to hospital sometimes.

    You seem to be able to express yourself clearly still and you seem to be pretty much on top of impulse control.

    Is this time for monitoring due to the meds change?

    Do you actually get a benefit in mood or anxiety control that’s proportional to the disruption and sheer unpleasantness of a long stay in a psyche ward?

    These days I honestly think I’ve got my mental health issues licked, though I’d still win some prizes playing DSM bingo. But even when I was totally failing to cope I did my absolute darnedest to stay out of the wards.

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    • Arrrgh why did you have to ask this question today?! Just whinging, because you’re asking me to explain something very, very raw as a forlornly pack my bags and head ‘in’.
      I believe I do have a very good to excellent grasp of what my mental health issues are, but I cannot guarantee my impulse control right now, because I am going through a medication change.
      The medications I’m coming off and going on are known for the difficulty they cause during withdrawal and adaptation.
      What really sickens me is that I went through the reverse medication change during my last admission – so all the agony of the last two months (approx. one month in, about the same out, I think – though I’d have to look at a calendar to check) feels wasted.
      I really, really do NOT want to be going into hospital today, although I will put my most positive face on and say “well, I will have access to group therapy and educational programs, isn’t that wonderful?”.
      Every time I come out of hospital I hope it will be my last.
      But I can’t escape the fact that I did something silly the other night, something very uncharacteristic, and therefore I made the call and basically asked to be admitted.
      Please send positive energy my way, because I will be needing it. (Not that I believe in ‘positive energy’ … but it’s a consoling concept.)

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      • So sorry to toss you a bouncer at a bad time.

        Thank you for taking the time to answer now – to be honest I wasn’t expecting an answer for some time, if at all.

        My main mental health issue is bipolar I, so being worried about impulse control is something I can understand.

        I don’t really believe in positive energy either, but I sure wish you the best.

        It sounds to me you’ve got a bit of biochemical readjustment to go through so I’m not going to try to tell you everything is going to be hunky dory. I’m sure you know better. But I’m sure you also know it’s got its own timeline for working itself through and the tunnel does have an end whether you can see the light there yet or not.

        Hope to see another post made from the comfort of your home soon.

        Like

      • No worries. I had the choice to reply or not, and I chose to 🙂

        I really appreciate your kind comments. Feel free to send any others over the next little while, ha ha!

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